Post
by MTBuff » Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:52 pm
My Top 10 Bobcat Griz Jokes (A la David Letterman)
1) How do you keep an UM student busy for a month? ...........Give him a package of M & M's and tell him to alphabetize them.
2) An UM grad is driving home from work when his cell phone rings. He answers and his wife says "honey just wanted to warn you and let you know that I am watching the news and some idiot is driving on the wrong side of the interstate." The UM grad then replied " honey I am already on my way home, but your wrong it is not one idiot but hundreds of them."
3) Albert Einstein goes to a party. He introduces himself to a lady and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?".........."240," she says. "Great, we can discuss the mysteries of the universe and other things. We have a lot we can talk about " he replies. Later he is talking with a man and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?"......."145," he replies. "Great, we can talk about thermodynamics," says Albert. Later he is talking to another gentleman and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?........"34," the man manages to say. Einstein gets a puzzled look on his face for a minute then says, "How about them Grizzlies?"
4) An UM grad was swirling from left to right on the road in his car. He was doing this for five minutes. Finally a cop pulls over and asks him, "Sir, why are you swirling from left to right?" The UM grad replies, "Well officer I was driving along when I saw a tree. I had to move left until I saw another tree. Practically everywhere I went, I saw a tree and I had to keep turning." Then the cop said, "Sir, that's your air freshener."
5) Did you know that there are three types of Grizzlies?
Those who can count and those who can't.
6) A Bobcat student and a Griz student have a head-on collision. Miraculously, neither is hurt. They climb out of their respective vehicles, survey the devastation of the BMW and the Ford Ranger (you can readily guess to whom each vehicle belongs) and trade information. Upon hearing the other driver is an Griz student, the Bobcat says, "I believe this wreck is signifying that we need to put aside our differences and become friends It could signal a renewed respect for each institution by countless future generations of students." The Griz agrees, and the Bobcat looks into his car. "Well, what do ya know! Here's a full bottle of Jack Daniel's that isn't broken at all. I think we should each drink to our newfound friendship. Let us be the first to celebrate the detente between our two glorious institutions of higher learning. In fact, I'll let you have the first rink." The Griz is surprised, but quickly agrees and swallows several large gulps. He then offers the bottle to the Bobcat, who says, "No thanks. I'll just wait for the cops to arrive."
7) A Griz fan and a Bobcat fan are standing on the Butte Valley yelling across at each other about which team is better. Suddenly, a Genie pops out of thin air and grants each fan one wish.
The Griz fan pipes out, "I'll go first." The genie agrees and allows the Griz fan to annouce his wish first. "I want to build a wall that is 300 feet high and 100 feet thick around the city of Missoula to keep all those Bobcat fans out." The genie agrees and POOF, a wall 100 feet high and 100 feet thick pops up around the entire city of Missoula.
The genie then turns toward the MSU fan and asks, "So what is your wish?" The Bobcat fan points toward the giant wall and says, "Fill'er up."
8 ) Whats the only difference between Bobby Hauck and God.................................. God doesn't think he's Bobby Hauck.
9) Two boys are playing football at this park in Helena when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his friend.
A local sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy he's going to write the story and says, "I'll title it 'Young Saints Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal'".
"But I'm not a Saints fan", the little hero replies.
"Sorry, since we're in Helena, I just assumed you were", says the reporter and he starts writing again. He asks "How does 'Bobcat Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack' sound?"
"I'm not a Bobcat fan either", the boy says.
"Oh, I thought everyone in Helena was either for the Saints or the Bobcats. What team do you root for?", the reporter asks.
"I'm just visiting my cousin, I'm a Montana Grizzly fan", the boy replies. "They're just the best!" The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Griz Bastard From Missoula Kills Beloved Family Pet".
10) A Bobcat fan, a Griz fan and an Eastern Washington fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Eastern Washington fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Eastern Washington fan had to be carried away bleeding and weak with pain when the punishment was done.
The Griz fan was next up (he almost finished an entire fifth by himself), and after watching the scene, said "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Griz fan out crying like the little girly man he so clearly was (a la Hans and Franz).
The Bobcat fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said, "You support the greatest team in all the land, your alumni has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thanks, your most Royal highness," the Bobcat fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks.
"Tie the Griz fan to my back."
Bobcat born, Bobcat bred, unfortunately not a Bobcat alum, but gonna be a Bobcat fan until I'm dead!