Monte

[wbtfg]

MISSOULA, MT — In the latest sign that nobody’s safe from the transfer portal—not even the mascot—Monte, the iconic University of Montana bear, has officially been replaced… by a retread from an FBS school.

Yes, you read that right. The new Monte used to hype up crowds in a half-empty stadium down south, but after getting benched for a younger mascot with better TikTok numbers, he hit the portal and found new life in Missoula.

Sources say he previously worked the sidelines at a middling Conference USA program—where he spent two forgettable seasons waving rally towels during 35-point blowouts and dodging hot dog wrappers from disinterested fans. After a humbling stint as a second-string mascot, he entered the portal and was quickly scooped up by Montana, a program that has never met a transfer it didn’t love.

“We couldn’t be more excited,” said Head Coach Bobby Hauck, standing next to Monte 2.0 at the press conference, both wearing matching “Transfer U” hoodies. “Monte brings experience, grit, and a background in low-stakes crowd work. That’s exactly the kind of veteran leadership we need in a mascot.”

Hauck, who’s built his roster like a Craigslist all-star team of former FBS players with eligibility and something to prove, says the transfer mascot was a “no-brainer.”

“When you look at the portal, you gotta find value. Some schools look for five-stars. We look for guys who’ve been around the block… or at least around the sideline.”

Monte 2.0 is expected to be a day-one starter, performing choreographed skits, leading third-down dances, and participating in community outreach—assuming he can learn the fight song this time.

And in true Hauck fashion, the new Monte will wear a freshly redesigned helmet featuring the word “TRANSFERS” in flowing cursive script, replacing the traditional Griz logo.

At this point, the message from the Montana football program is clear:
If you’ve been cut, benched, overlooked, or just need a second chance… there’s a spot for you in Missoula. Even in the bear suit.

[coloradocat]

Please tell me this has been published somewhere online besides BN.

[wbtfg]

Please tell me this has been published somewhere online besides BN.

It was just some fun with chatGPT. Posted on egriz too.

[coloradocat]

Please tell me this has been published somewhere online besides BN.

It was just some fun with chatGPT. Posted on egriz too.

You should set up a Monte 2.0 X account, post it there and tag a bunch of griz and sports writer accounts.

[nanacat]

That is hilarious!!! Nice job!

[allcat]

Wait, do you mean this isn't real?